BR Tentacles

The Daily Year, 2011

2011-12-04T08:54:00.000-08:00

Some of us have moved to New York and published a book. Some of us have stayed here and published in magazines. Some of us have moved back and forth and also published in magazines.
Some of us continue to read at River Writers, where random drunken students show up and beat their high-heeled shoes on the bar. Others of us move to North Carolina. Still others continue to exist in New Orleans and also publish things in neat places online. Certain members of us are LSU postdoctoral fellows, others teach at a Montessori school, and others will work at presses. We love our writing community, our River Writers, Contrappostos, our stunning MFA program and all its developments.

Links to appear when I have the energy.

See you at Mardi Gras.

The Daily Year

2010-12-02T16:15:00.000-08:00

The Lady Nunes has moved to New Orleans to live the fabulous life and cultivate designer once-wild felines. She has published poems recently, at Elimae and Dante's Heart, and fiction at Monkeybicycle. She blogs about recipes and other snob-worthy things at The Everyday Snobbetarian.

Dame Barker has published several pieces recently, in Front Porch and Monkeybicycle. The Dame is also a remarkable postdoctoral fellow at LSU. Also view one story of hers on Unmoveable Feast.

Lord DeWitt Brinson is rumored to be rewiring a house in North Carolina. He has also been Panked, much to the kingdom's delight.

Prince Jordan Soyka can be seen scrawling poetic genius in New Orleans also, possibly at the Court of Two Sisters. We know he is a Cave Wall favorite.

Countess Tracey Duncan has become a Capital Defender and we can't wait to read her nonfiction about it.

Duchess Susan Kirby-Smith is also a postdoctoral fellow. You can read a poem of hers in Drupe Fruits and on Here, Where I Am.

Princess Mel Coyle continues to charm and amuse, in person, in poems and in other poems, and in other poems, although she has often charmed and amused in stories also. She is under the gun however, so there's no time for this nonsense.

Sir Tyler Smith is making a movie with Snoop Dogg.

Contrappostos
is another place you may find some of our fine crew

Barbie Survives

2010-05-19T13:42:00.000-07:00

a play by Susan Kirby-Smith in a performance at River Writers that starred Mel Coyle, Jenn Nunes, Chris Shipman and DeWitt Brinson. Jordan Soyka was the most dedicated understudy.

view it here!

Y or Y Not

2010-04-10T13:26:00.001-07:00

Some people went to AWP. Some people went to YAWP

Spanishtown Parade!

2010-02-15T13:45:00.001-08:00

Mardi Gras, the most wonderful time of the year!

(photo by Amanda Wicks)

Delta Mouth

2010-02-09T09:55:00.000-08:00

.

A literary festival organized by the New Delta Review, LSU's graduate student-run literary magazine.

Delta Mouth features writers Laurie Lynn Drummond, Akilah Oliver, Ariana Reinnes, Susana Chavez-Silverman, Marthe Reed, Xero Skidmore, Peggy Shinner, Andrew Ervin and Susan Kirby-Smith.

There will be readings beginning at 8:30 Thursday, February 11th at Chelsea's and at 8:00 on Friday, February 12th at the Shaw Center. Dinner receptions precede both.

"Send the Clowns Now," a ten-minute play by Susan Kirby-Smith will debut at Delta Mouth on Thursday evening, 8:30 at Chelsea's.

The play will star DeWitt Brinson, Jenn Nunes, Karin DeGravelles, and William Burke.

* Mel Coyle is the understudy.

Unmoveable Feast, Issue Two

2010-01-26T16:47:00.000-08:00

Issue Two: With new fiction by Monica Merenda, Kass Fleisher and Meg Pokrass, essay and fiction by Jane Stubbs, poetry by Chris Tusa, Gail Peck, John Hoppenthaler, Chris Shipman, Elaine Briney, and Benjamin Lowenkron. Reviews by Tyler Smith and Jennifer Whitaker.

http://www.unmoveablefeast.com

EGSA Ugly Sweater Party

2009-12-12T12:34:00.000-08:00

Because I noticed there were either very few or no pictures taken--perhaps an unspoken agreement to protect everyone from unauthorized ridicule-- I thought I would take a moment to review what people wore to the EGSA Ugly Sweater Christmas Party.

Laura Marks wore a stunning cougar-worthy turquoise turtleneck-tank sweater with golden beads and leopard print adornments around the top and at the bottom. She was the winner of the Ugly Sweater Contest Female Division and well-deserving of the honor.

DeWitt Brinson placed first in the Men's Division for his ingenious, working clock-sweater which included flamingos, fake jewels and a lion. It was truly a great work.

Mel Coyle wore a classic, cheesy printed cardigan zip-up with mistletoe and other Christmas features on the top. Our party creator did well.

Jenn Nunes wore a shirt with a puffy-paint reindeer on it. When you were standing in front of her it was like being in 4th grade all over again, and extremely fun.

Susan Kirby-Smith wore a festive gold-leafed jacket. Many golden leaves. Excessive. She felt as though her name was Mildred.

Will Burke wore a well-fitting powder blue women's sweater with delicate white snowflakes stitched into it.

David Newman wore a highly patterned wintery snowflakey blue and white sweater that had pom-poms. His girlfriend Regan wore a very, very Christmasy sweater, which held several seasonal objects at the top. It was certainly of the caliber of sweaters worn by 2nd grade math teachers.

JT wore a sweater that combined Christmas colors in the most hideous way imaginable.

Cara Blue Adams wore a flowery short sleeved shirt that was sort of saying, "I'm not traditional Christmas, but I'm still Christmas. We spend Christmas in Hawaii when we can and when not, we have a luau with our neighbors."

Shelby Goddard wore an extremely patterned sweater that said, "I'm so hip, even on Christmas
when wearing a godawful sweater."

Helana Brigman went with the stripes. Maia and Aimee with the shiny things, I believe.

Tyler Smith wore a form-fitting off-white grandmother sweater with tiny flowers in neat columns.

Entertainment to Make Your Eyes Bleed!

2009-11-04T21:19:00.000-08:00

Oh dwindling followers of BR Tentacles. Direct your attention hither to theavantguardian.org, and my new weekly column about film, possibly, and all things that pique and prod.

This week, an exploration of Arnold Schwarzenegger's famous unproduced project, "Crusade". Blood, guts, castration, donkey carcasses!

Here's a taste of the blood and guts spectacle:

Lumpy, in the Corner

2009-11-02T18:47:00.000-08:00

The egg-plant roll-ups
were perfectly seasoned and you
and I conversed about art,
ignoring the fact that
our cat had caught a mouse and
was sitting with the dead thing
Over in the corner.

We talked for a while,
The eggplant grew cold, the cheese
Lumpy, our conversation, wilted
And then I saw that
down under our cat’s paw,
the mouse was alive
still struggling in the corner.

We tried to keep eating
and focused on tomatoes
while meatballs were looking
like little live mice.
Or the eggplant, lying there
suffering and squirming
While the cat was satisfied
Over in the corner.

The cat, he refused
to take the mouse outside
And it hobbled across
our red tile floor.

We tried to keep eating
But dinner was ruined
Everything lumpy
And over in the corner.

Book Covers

2009-10-26T20:54:00.001-07:00

Oh beautiful beautiful designs that we will have no control over when we publish our books. Here's a website dedicated to 'em. Maybe take note of the specific designers and plead with them to throw you a bone when your manuscript is hot for a rollout.

Unmoveable Feast

2009-09-26T13:30:00.000-07:00

Unmoveable Feast is collecting for a second issue, in hot pursuit of all things amusing or amazing but especially: book reviews, videos, essays, interviews, music, art, or film reviews. Hybrid creative works also sought.

Update by Newman

2009-09-22T20:28:00.001-07:00

David Newman links to a more informative article about NO Public Library's amazing book printing machine. It's gathering dust. Unused. Unloved. Alone. One of a dozen such machines in the world and it's consistently out-of-order. A shame.

Apparently you can print a book for about $5. Right now my thesis would cost 5 bucks to print one-sided laser-style on 8.5x11 paper at the library. I'd take the amazing book printed version in a heartbeat.

If it's working when I'm ready for it.

Enthralling...

2009-09-22T20:22:00.000-07:00

Music video by Marcel Dzama for the Department of Eagles.

You don't need a huge budget to make magic.

On-Demand Books

2009-09-22T00:01:00.000-07:00

...now at the New Orleans Public Library?

That's what this article says.

Pudding Pie

2009-09-21T11:10:00.000-07:00

Cool whip
chocolate pudding
graham cracker crust
sprinkles
almonds

Freeze.

It tastes different at varying temperatures.

Innovation Station

2009-09-17T20:11:00.000-07:00

Nick Cave (of Bad Seeds fame) (Red Right Hand, etc.) has written a novel and released it as an iPhone app, that clever bugger. It combines traditional reading (text), plus the ability to switch to audio book and video performance without losing your place.

Hurray technology + writing + reading.

Video here.

At the Shrimp and Petroleum Festival

2009-09-07T05:48:00.000-07:00

Five

2009-08-29T11:03:00.000-07:00

...watch sunset.....

Four!
...stuff pepper...

THREE!
...take nap....

TWO!
...install groundcover...

ONE!

feed anteater

submit

2009-08-26T09:31:00.001-07:00

http://www.freshyarn.com/index.htm

Three

2009-08-09T18:57:00.001-07:00

50pgs

Two

2009-08-09T18:55:00.000-07:00

bakeapie

One

2009-08-09T18:53:00.001-07:00

drinksparklingcocktail

Bring on the Lists!

2009-08-08T10:21:00.001-07:00

It's that time of year, again, when I finally figure out summer and now gotta get psyched about the end of it. Aw, yeah.
Come on BR Tentacles, let's rejuvenate with some lists.....Ok, I'll start.

Five Things You Wanna Do Before Summer Ends

Go!

Face Jugs

2009-07-12T19:43:00.000-07:00

Jukin' and Eatin' and Capitol Viewin'

2009-05-03T10:58:00.000-07:00

Entertaining out of town visitors took us to two places that were new to us and two that are growing familiar.

At Teddy's Juke Joint we saw a musician called Eden Brent, a red-dressed, "whiskey-voiced," as many reviewers have written that other reviewers have written, singer from Mississippi.

Here's a shot of Teddy's dj booth

A happy occasion.

We also went to Boutin's for the first time.

Fun; they have a small bayou in the back; very pretty. The Zydeco band was pretty good and so was the food. I wondered if it was "too white" and realized that understanding cultural-racial issues in a state not one's own, particularly one with at least two more ethnic groups than most other states, seems pretty complex and I feel unauthorized to even continue thinking in this area. The shrimp was good.

We retrieved pastries from Ambrosia Bakery on Siegen; extremely good almond croissants among other treats. And we ate a nice lunch at Bistro Byronz.

And then here are reasons to love Baton Rouge from the 27th floor of the state capitol building.

That last one is the original LSU, the Pentagon Barracks.

And then here's a picture of Doc Watson who performed wonderfully at Jazzfest in New Orleans last Friday.

On Lost Books, or, deliberations while writing a final paper on Montaigne

2009-04-28T15:41:00.000-07:00

"Where is my book?" the esteemed LSU English professor asked me one warming afternoon in Allen Hall. "I would greatly appreciate the return of my book." Now, I thought to myself, is this the appropriate time to put aside the conclusions I have in the past made concerning this individual's sanity and pertinence when it comes to knowledge and love of art?

Or should I answer him from this place of confusion and mockery?

I do not have your book, I wanted to say. Or, What book are you talking about? was another utterance. But that would be working from the place in me that treats everyone the same: 1) Tell the truth, 2) seek information to perform request asked of you.

I recently got a new bookshelf. Months before, I interviewed aforementioned professor about the injuries suffered by Baton Rouge during the Civil War and driving tours I might make in the area (not, mind you, the siege of vicksburg and the lovely ladies who dwelled in caves during the Union's occupation of the city---but I am not an appointed custodian of southern Lincolnalia, and thus, did not control the course of the interview)

I left the office with not one but two brochures, and not two but four pages of notes, and not, mind you, before I was accused (for the third time) of making an anonymous complaint to the Department chair regarding the professor's violation of written, graded essay assignments for undergraduate students.

Where is my book? The question haunted me. Not where is my time machine or where is my tango partner---both questions that have before come from his mouth, but this one a very reasonable one that all of us might ask each other several times a year as we dig in our heels to living the life of the mind, no matter how much our relatives beg us to find pensions, purpose, use.
"I may be moving and it is very important to me that I get that book back."I knew better than to respond based on Pyrrhic unknowingness. No. Not for this particular specimen of the ivory tower. I reminded myself that internal decisions of deception are translated onto the face and can alter others' reactions. (See Of Physiognomy)

I dissembled. I controlled my audience's reations. To be continued.

"Self portrait as a pious young woman"

2009-04-05T07:38:00.000-07:00

by Katie Claiborne

Snip snippets from MicroStorm Watcher

2009-03-27T19:46:00.000-07:00

Just another frigging day here in Baton Rouge, where police officers dangle precariously from lopsided street lights and everyone is all about blocking the box on College at 12:25 PM.

"A man and his daughter drowned in that puddle, you're lucky," says the Albertson's check out man, after I describe to him how N. Acadian's micro-valley was 4 feet under earlier Thursday morning."You'd think they'd find a way to make that, I don't know--less of a valley there," he mused aloud.

On a side road off Morning Glory, a couple stood patiently under a fallen oak, almost like they were waiting for the wedding photographer. It will be just as pretty, if not more so, with all the green down around their shoulders.

Thistles

2009-03-09T20:34:00.000-07:00

Against the rubber tongues of cows and the hoeing hands of

men

Thistles spike the summer air
And crackle open under a blue-black pressure.

Every one a revengeful burst
Of resurrection, a grasped fistful
Of splintered weapons and Icelandic frost thrust up

From the underground stain of a decayed Viking.
They are like pale hair and the gutturals of dialects.
Every one manages a plume of blood.

Then they grow grey like men.
Mown down, it is a feud. Their sons appear
Stiff with weapons, fighting back over the same ground.

- Ted Hughes

Dandelion Gigantus

2009-03-01T17:35:00.001-08:00

Snow in Louisiana!

2008-12-20T06:42:00.000-08:00

You thought you'd never see it!

http://slunch.blogspot.com/2008/04/why-i-want-to-hate-sloane-crosleybut.html

2008-12-03T20:04:00.001-08:00

Intro Paragraphs, Suckas!

2008-11-10T18:33:00.000-08:00

Yo yo yo, post your rough introduction paragraphs for the Issues essay here! Do it now.

2008-11-04T17:48:00.000-08:00

It's election night and it's time to dye icing! I called some blue state friends, who said "you chose to move to Louisiana." I said, "I know, I'm not complaining, I'm just saying.." Anyways, fingers crossed that anti gay marriage prop 8 gets defeated in Cali--other than the biggie.

Trees, After Gustav

2008-09-07T12:41:00.000-07:00

Can-deliers: Take that, Martha Stewart!

2008-09-03T16:32:00.000-07:00

2008-09-03T16:25:00.001-07:00

Fay in Barou

2008-08-24T15:10:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of our front yard taken a few hours ago and it's still raining. Fay must be a REALLY depressed tropical depression.

Sensual Eggplant

2008-08-06T12:03:00.001-07:00

Likes: misty mornings, fresh air, sunbathing, pondering growth cycles. Not interested in crazy salads or too much grease. Just looking for like-minded food to share a few herb-enhanced saute sessions. Legumes, meats welcome.

California, Here I Come

2008-08-02T06:43:00.000-07:00

3 days til I'm off to California! My mom and I are visiting Yosemite first. Anyone visited and have recommendations on hikes or certain spots to see?

Terrifying... Good or Bad?

2008-07-31T15:06:00.000-07:00

Never sweat again! Finally:

Exercise in Pill Form

Unless you're diabetic or have some medical condition that could be greatly eased with this, I hope they don't open it up to the general public. If and when.

In related news, I just bought a new pair of running shoes. Gonna test them out now.

A Boot, A Tiny Whittled Rocking Chair, and Jewelry Made of Hair

2008-07-30T18:23:00.000-07:00

Yes! I finally made it...to Dr. Mudd's house, a stop on the famed escape route that John Wilkes Booth made on the night he murdered President Lincoln. Dr Mudd served less than five years of a life sentence off the coast of Florida for aiding the assassin, who he claimed was too well disguised in a fake mustache to recognize the night he cut his boot off to set his broken leg at his house. (Oh, those wily confederate sympathizers! Always with the uber-convincing mustaches!)

Sarah Vowell's Assassination Vacation understated just how fascinating it is to visit a museum run entirely by various descendents of the subject, rummaging (at one point stumbling) through a century's worth of dusty, ill-preserved antiques (sad, really) and to constantly try to read a framed text only to be interrupted because the framer cut off the important part. What drives a family to do this? The evidence clearing Dr. Mudd's name is scant--it's generally confirmed he was a conspirator or a confederate sympathizer of conspiracy. So where is the motivation? If Dr. Mudd, confederate sympathizer, conspirator to aid Lincoln assassins, were your great great great grand-uncle, as he is to some docent(s), what would be your gain to display how much stuff your family had? Wouldn't you be tempted to chalk him up to a humiliating bad egg? To forget him? It gives a sense of identity, and a common struggle, I guess, to unite around a house full of stuff and photos that people pay $5 to see.

I want to make fun of old stuff, like the dusty couch Booth sat on that still sits up in the drawing room in the house, or the jewelry made out of braided hair that someone in the 19th century Mudd family tree made, but something is stopping me. Maybe it's that I'm realizing that in the whole county down there only one person voted for Lincoln, and only around 13 in the whole state--exactly what that means. That people in the state where I'm from tried four times to kidnap and/or assassinate him, and all to maintain a really f-ed up situation that made some of them rich and others of them just steeped in racial hatred and poverty. It stops being funny at weird moments, and then starts being funny when I think of the tiny wooden rocking chair that one of the conspirators whittled is in a glass case in the house. Not funny, just sad. Confusing. Funny. And so I return to wondering about the descendents and why they're doing this.

So conspirators like Ed Spangler are seen as people, too?

Whittlers of rocking chairs? I wonder.
Look at him, and then, next to assassination conspirator, think, whittler. of _tiny_ rocking chairs.

I'm glad that the Dr Mudd house is there. It's conflicted, disgusting at times, effusively materialistic, and definitely a place I wouldn't feel comfortable alone. They don't sell Sarah Vowell's book in their store, but the Surratt Tavern 30 minutes away stocks two copies, and I am glad for that.

Lovin' Tha Carter III

2008-07-28T21:07:00.000-07:00

For lines like this:

"swagger tighter than a yeast infection
fly, go hard like geese erections"

Also, the shout-out he gives to Blue Bayou.

Back To School Discussion: What Lil Wayne Says About Mariah Carey

2008-07-28T13:38:00.001-07:00

"I have never done nothing with Mariah Carey, and I would like to, because I love older women."

Reactions? Feelings? Pictures of Mariah being a rebound badass? How would one go about planning a theme party around BET music awards?

Social Hour: Meet 4th Graders

2008-07-28T12:55:00.000-07:00

Ways teaching summer camp to 4th Graders in D.C. is like Living in Baton Rouge

1. you should leave your sarcasm at home unless you are a glutton for frustration
1.5 ditto deadpan monotone mimicry
2. you need to say things emphatically and smile
3. you should always bring extra water to drink
4. nothing really is surprising; anyone can come up to you at any time and tell you that their mom grows potatoes or has a rooster as a pet
5. clapping rhythmically, wearing brightly colored clothes and holding hands all "grease the wheels" so to speak, in your effort to get things done, like getting people to sit down, be quiet, or give you an extra key to your office in allen hall
6. an appreciation for the fact that just about anything can be called a "celebration"

ways d.c. is like baton rouge:

1. khaki pants
2. pastel shirts
3. sweat mist

Social Hour - the Watsons

2008-07-18T12:08:00.000-07:00

Please meet Betty and Bob Watson.

Bob Watson was one of the founding editors of The Greensboro Review. He also helped to start the MFA program at UNC-G. Here is one of his poetry books from LSU Press. Here is a poetry contest in his name and on this page are some poems of his when he was featured on the NC Arts Council page.

Betty is a painter. She has painted and shown her paintings all over the country for five decades, most recently the Green Hill gallery in Greensboro where she lives. She painted a portrait of Randall Jarrell that is in the RJ special collection at the UNC-G library, and several dramatic portraits of LSU Press poet Kelly Cherry. She has also done an exquisite series of aerial paintings.

Things to Bring to Baton Rouge...

2008-07-08T18:18:00.000-07:00

...when you move down for the first time.

1) Baby powder. No one is proud of swamp balls.
2) Umbrella, waterproof shoes/boots. Save yourself some winter misery.
3) Season tickets. Football Saturdays are something to remember/piece together the next day.
4) A healthy appreciation for Miller High Life. One dollar bottles at the Happy Note ease the pre-payday strain.
5) If you have a cat, all its claws. Stray cats, packs of wild dogs, foot-long cockroaches. Some neighborhoods are better than others. Those wild dogs do tour a pretty wide area though.
6) Flea medicine (not Frontline) for pets. Fuzzy animals WILL get fleas, especially in Spanish Town, where you can count the stray cats in regiments.
7) Road patience/tactical driving skills. At rush hours, the 110/10/12 is a curdled, flash-frozen mess. In the summer heat, when everyone's IQ/concern for humanity on the roads dwindle to nil, people may choose to run you over the railing and into neighborhood/lake/restaurants beneath said highways rather than let you merge from the on-ramp. Jet pack would be the preferred way to travel.
8) White undershirts as outerwear. Everyone sweats. It just feels better not seeing your pitstains creeping down to your hip bones.
9) Bell's beer for Soyka. To befriend the beast, you must feed the beast. Bell's.

How To Throw A Party, Part I: What Kind of Party?

2008-06-30T14:47:00.000-07:00

The first thing you need to know about throwing parties is that it is an artform, and not a science. You can get all of the variables right and shit could still go wrong. Even if Dionysus does show up, he might just end up breaking all your corning ware. But there are a few time-tested ways to cut back on the possibility of disaster, or worse, boredom, and here, for the first time in print, I would like to share them with you.

Before you start inviting people over to your house, it is important to decide what kind of party you want to have. Here are a few kinds of parties you could consider:

1. Intimate Gourmet Cocktail Party

Not only should the food at this event be chosen with discernment, so should the guests. This is not the party to invite a random stranger to, unless said random stranger is walking down the street in a Viktor & Rolf tuxedo carrying a plate of Humbolt Fog and a bottle of Cristal. This party is characterized by conversations about art and trips abroad, rich foods, and threesomes . It is usually expensive to throw, but a quick clean-up (except the threesome, which can not only get messy, but emotionally complicated).

2. Raging Stranger Rail Drink Bash

This can be considered the opposite of the previous party, but should only be attempted if you a) live in a frat house or 2) don’t give a shit about your home or belongings. This type of party is characterized by low-quality alcohol and drugs, date rape, frequent vomiting, and ang

ry neighbors. For this type of party, you can invite anyone you want. including people you don’t know or like. If you get enough people together drunk, there will be someone for everyone to know and like.

3. Medium-sized Theme Party

This is the kind of party that I usually throw, because it allows me to invite most, but not all, of the people that I know and like and even some of their friends. It can be messy, depending on your age and socioeconomic status, but is generally less disgusting than the Rail Drink Bash. It is not crucial to have a theme, but in my opinion, it gives a smaller group of people something to rally around. This kind of party is characterized by mid-priced liquor, hydroponic weed, sexual experimentation with members of the same sex, booty dancing in living rooms, and loud conversation.

Great, but how do you decide which kind of party to throw? Well, how much money do you have? An intimate, gourmet gathering will cost you a couple hundred bucks, because even if you request that guests brings something, you still have to have a seed table of lovely wines, cheeses, etc. You will have little left after this party because everything will be amazing and people will gorge themselves. But since people will conduct themselves with dignity, you won’t have much to clean up and you will get to go to bed still drunk.

A rail drink bash is the cheapest, but you could end up paying for it in property damage. You can start with basically a case of beer and an empty space and tell everyone to bring their own shit or go home sober. Other than your own booze, you don’t need to provide anything but music, but you might want to stock up on paper towels. There will be little left after this party, including things you want and need. Be prepared for the loss of appliances, furniture, your integrity, and maybe your girlfriend.

A medium-sized party can cost as much or as little as you’d like, starting at about $150. You can ask people to bring alcohol, but you will need to provide mixers. You should make sure that you have some high-carbohydrate food around to soothe your guests pickled tummies. I usually go with rice and beans (cheap in bulk), bread, and perhaps some sort of cookie. These will be civilized folk, so while you won’t have to break out the white tablecloth, you will have to provide disposable cups and utensils. You will more than break even in the end. You might even have enough, beer, liquor, and captain’s hats for your next shindig.

*A note about theme parties: If you are going to go with a theme, then fucking go with it. Do not half-ass your playlist or your outfit. I usually spend $50-$100 on music for a theme party, $50 on a costume, and maybe $20 to $100 for other theme-related stuff.
If you aren’t into the theme of your party, no one else will be, either. And, this is the hard part, but you must INSIST that guests follow through with the theme. I usually tell people that if they aren’t going to wear a costume then they have to bring an eightball. I can count on one hand all the people who did not dress to impress for my last party, and you better believe that they have a big, fat question mark next to their names on the guestlist for the next throwdown (see HTTAP, part III: Who to Invite). When people tell you that they are tired of listening to bluegrass, just tell them to leave. I accepted a non-theme related request at my last party and it is what I think of as my own personal low- point for the night (even considering the two-day hangover). My self-esteem has recovered, but I will never do it again.

Clamming : A Brief Guide and Photomentary

2008-06-30T05:00:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been clamming?

I have and I love it.

I have been going clamming since I was about 5, when I thought that the tiny snail shells everywhere were tiny, dainty horse poops (Chincoteague ponies, perhaps) left by early Native Americans and original colonists who had magically survived into the 20th century and were riding these horse-ponies across the marsh. Perhaps it was because the marsh was so quiet and seemed so mysterious to me.
Back then, my job was to follow my dad for up to half a mile across the mud and through the knee to waist-deep water and then dig where I was told. That is actually more or less still my job, except now I carry a bucket and my own rake. I thought I'd make a little photo-documentary of the recent clamming trip I took with my dad. Maybe those of you who have never clammed will develop a taste for it and the confidence to go to it. Maybe those of you who have clammed before will decide that I am a more ridiculous person than you thought because who would do this year after year for "fun?" Or maybe you won't. Maybe you like clams, maybe you don't. It's not my job to tell you what to eat or how to get your food. Except that I'm going to here.
ONTO THE CLAMMING.

When you go clamming, you go to a place that looks like this:

A marsh. We go to a place called "The Point" at the end of Oak Island, NC, where the beach and the intracoastal waterway meet. The water is very calm and you go at low tide. You walk across the water to find some undiscovered area (or, at least where the clams are undiscovered.)

Here is a picture of my dad bravely crossing the perfectly calm waist-deep water. (You actually do have to be a little brave; there are all kinds of creatures in that water! But they're harmless. It depends on how phobic you are.)

(You will see that my dad is headed back toward civilization, the beach houses. This photo is actually from the way back. I just wanted to put in one of somebody crossing the water.)

So this is what it looks like to clam.

And this is what it looks like when you find a clam!

What happens is that you dig, dig, dig, not very deep, but you try to cover a large area. And then you hear a faint scraping sound and you feel it in your rake. You dig a little more and you strike something, you feel the weight of the clam as you pry it from the mud with your rake, and then, ta da! clam.

This time, we found a lot of clams within a very short period of time; 3 or 4 dozen in 45 minutes, I'd say. But, there is a price to pay for all this free food. Your shoes get very dirty.

Here's a picture of our bounty.

And here's our bounty partying.

And here's a member of our bounty partying with a crab claw.

From a fancy homemade (and homecaught) paella.

What's Lactofermenting in my Kitchen?

2008-06-23T22:48:00.000-07:00

Ahh Summer. Nothing like a 100 degree kitchen to bend bacteria to my will to make my food more digestible. Right now I've just got some Smith Dairy kefir going. So here's a question: what do you think make a good party? I know its some alchemy of people music and Dionysus's blessings, but seriously, why do some parties work and some flop? I have to say DTD seems to have the magic combo down, but what the combo is, I don't know.

In other news it was hot today in Baton Rouge. It was also hot yesterday. It will also be hot until October, at which time someone should have a party. The number of mosquito bites on my legs hovers around ten.

Teammates

2008-06-23T17:37:00.000-07:00

The only way to allow you guys to post instead of just comment on my posts is if I allow you in as a "team member", which requires that you have a Google account. If you'd like to be a teammate (high-fives and butt slaps also required) just say so.

Porpoises

2008-06-23T10:07:00.000-07:00

Why a stupid blog? Ooh, I like this font. Anyway, for those of us scattered to the winds this summer, here's a techno-savvy way to keep up/prod/harangue each other for the next couple of months. Welcome to 2008, suckas.